The Darker Side of Pleasure Read online

  Finally, he bent his head and flicked his hot, wet tongue at one rigid tip. She groaned. He moved his head and flicked at the other one. Then, using both hands, he pushed the full mounds of her breasts together and moved his head back and forth, his tongue a damp spike of heat as it flickered over her stiffened nipples. His hands felt so good on her, so firm on her flesh, and his tongue was driving her crazy. She almost begged him to take her into his mouth. And then, as if reading her mind, he did.

  He drew one nipple in and sucked. He was almost too gentle. She could hardly stand it. She gathered and bunched the bedspread in her hands, trying to hold still, to keep from crying out, from begging him to suck harder. Her sex was absolutely drenched by now. Her whole body quivered.

  And suddenly, he pulled back.

  “Cam?” Her own voice sounded loud and breathless in her ears.

  He straightened up, half turned away from her, and ran a hand through his dark hair.

  “Cam, what is it?”

  She heard his long, slow exhalation. Waited for him to turn back around, to talk to her. Her thighs clenched around the damp, swollen folds of flesh between them.

  “Maybe we need to talk about this some more.”

  “What?” A startled laugh escaped her lips. “Now? When I’m just beginning to…” She couldn’t finish the sentence, couldn’t say out loud that her body was responding in a way it hadn’t for months. Couldn’t tell him how desperately she craved his touch. Why couldn’t she say it?

  When his eyes met hers she saw the confusion there, saw that his breath was coming in short, sharp pants.

  “This is…already more intense than I expected.”

  “Yes.” It was all she could manage to get out.

  He came and sat on the bed next to her. His warm hand fell on her shoulder. “I need to know this is what you want. Not just with your body, but in your head. What is this making you think? Making you feel?”

  How could she explain? “Like…like maybe I can let go, finally. But it’s a little scary at the same time. And physically, it’s…almost a shock. Do you know what I mean?”

  He nodded, his gaze on hers. “It’s like you’re coming alive under my hands.” He reached out and stroked a finger across her hot cheek. “But when you shiver, I don’t know if it’s because you like it, or because I’m making you afraid.”

  “Maybe a little of both.”

  His eyes swept her face. They were filled with concern and burning lust at the same time. “Jillian. Honey. I don’t ever want to scare you.”

  She shook her head, her hair sweeping across her cheek. “It’s not you that’s scaring me. It’s me.”

  “I’m right here with you. Okay?”

  “Yes.”

  “This is for us. And if it doesn’t work, we’ll try something else. But I want to do this. And the more I touch you, the more I want this.”

  “Yes. Me, too. Maybe that’s what scares me the most.”

  Cam leaned in and brushed his lips over hers. Again came that hint of mint and liquor. His hand curled around the back of her head, firm, possessive, as he parted her lips with his hot, wet tongue. Her mouth opened beneath his, letting him in. Her tongue met his, curled and tasted. Her shoulders relaxed as the heat of his mouth flowed through her and came to rest somewhere deep in her belly.

  Then he was pushing her down onto the bed, holding her there. She had a quick moment of panic when she realized how firmly he held her, but she was too turned on to let the panic take hold.

  Don’t think, Jillian.

  Again he grasped her wrists and drew her arms over her head, making her feel vulnerable, exposed. Her eyes fluttered open so she could see his face above her. And again she saw that expression of concentrated lust in his gray eyes. He was so focused, so intense. And still his mouth was that lush slash of deep pink that made her want to kiss him.

  “Stay right there.” His voice was low, a little rough around the edges.

  It was hard to hold still all by herself, without him holding her there, while he moved about the room. She tried to concentrate on the music still playing in the background while he knelt beside the bed and wrapped some rope around the bed frame. She could sense what he was doing more than she could see it, but the idea sent a ripple of hot anticipation through her.

  Cam moved to the other side of the bed, securing the ropes. If she turned her head a bit, she could see the muscles of his back and shoulders move beneath his golden skin as he worked. He was so beautiful.

  He stood, towering over her. When he bent to part her legs with his big hands she tensed. But then he stroked the tender skin on the insides of her thighs, warming her flesh, making her sex fill with a quick rush of lustful heat again, and she opened for him.

  He took her right hand in his, stroked her palm open with his fingertips, and leaned in to lay a kiss there, sending a shiver of heat up her arm. Her nipples immediately went hard once more.

  Cam moved his mouth over her hand, kissing her fingers, her wrist. It took her a moment to realize that he followed the trail of kisses with a length of soft, darkly colored rope, winding a loop of it around her wrist. Her eyes flew to his face, and a small, reassuring smile played at the corners of his mouth.

  “Breathe, Jillian.”

  Yes. She took in a lungful of the amber-scented air, let it calm her racing pulse. When he pulled the rope so that it had a firm hold, he dropped one last kiss on her hand, then moved to the end of the bed and took hold of her right foot. He massaged it for a moment, stroking with his fingers, then laid a soft kiss on her instep.

  She couldn’t remember him ever paying much attention to her feet. She couldn’t remember ever thinking about it. But somehow that one brief kiss set her body on fire, a trail of flame burning its way up her calf, over her thigh, and straight to her sex, which was hot and needy already. She was soaking wet in an instant.

  Cam glanced up, as though he sensed her reaction. He smiled, then kissed her foot once more. Again her sex throbbed with a sudden lance of need. She moaned softly.

  “Amazing what we can learn after all this time together.” His voice was barely above a whisper.

  She couldn’t respond. He was already wrapping the rope around her ankle, pulling it tight. Then he moved to her other foot, pulling it to the side, so that her sex was wide open and exposed, except for the scrap of damp lace that still covered it.

  He ran his hand up the inside of her leg, brushing the top of her thigh. Her sex clenched in anticipation. But he moved away, back to her foot, stroking the skin of her arch, the undersides of her toes. When he bent his head and began a slow stroking with his lips, she thought she’d go mad with need. Her hips arched up off the bed. He held her ankle more firmly in his hands.

  “Hold still, Jillian.”

  She loved the commanding tone of his voice every bit as much as she loved his mouth on her skin. But in a moment the rope was there again, wrapping firmly around her ankle. She pulled against it once, and found she couldn’t move more than a millimeter.

  Cam bent over her left side, taking her free hand in his. Once more the blazing trail of kisses, hot on her flesh. Her whole body was on fire, her sex aching and wet. But when Cam pulled the rope around her wrist, she froze.

  “Cam, wait!”

  He paused, looked into her face. His was calm, but his eyes sparkled darkly. “Breathe, honey.”

  She tried, but the air seemed to catch in her throat. Somehow this last rope meant that she would be truly bound, unable to move. Completely under his command. As exciting as it was, it was also frightening on some deep level. She wanted to let go, wanted to trust him, but how could she when she didn’t even trust herself?

  “Jillian.” His tone was low but firm. “I want you to listen very carefully. I am going to bind your wrist and you will not be able to move. You need to give yourself over to me. You need to let it all go. You will be in my hands. My hands. I love you, Jillian; you know that. This is your last chance to turn back before we
really begin. Tell me yes or no.”

  She couldn’t seem to think. Her body strained against the ropes already binding her feet and her other hand. Was this what she truly wanted? Could she do this?

  Her mind was a whirl of chaos edged in panic. She took a deep breath, trying to calm down.

  Cam put a hand on her chest, warming her skin. She closed her eyes, let the firm reassurance of his palm absorb the pounding of her heart. Her breasts tingled, her nipples came to peak, and she focused on the scorching heat funneling through her system. Despite her confusion, her body screamed one word at her. And finally she was able to let that word escape her lips.

  “Yes!”

  CHAPTER TWO

  CAM SMILED. HE COULD READ THE YIELDING IN Jillian’s beautiful face as she spoke the word he needed to hear. The way she was responding to him physically was amazing. Even in their earliest days together she hadn’t been like this. But he could see the fear and confusion in her wide brown eyes.

  Still, he knew this was the right thing to do, the right way to do it, to reestablish intimacy between them. The idea of bondage had been in the back of his mind for a long time. It was something that had always fascinated him. Bondage and maybe a little sensation play. BDSM. He’d had fantasies since he was a teenager about spanking a woman. The feel of a firm, feminine bottom beneath his hand, the sound as his palm landed hard on naked flesh. The idea of doing it to his wife was an incredible turn-on. He’d had a hard-on pretty much all week just thinking about tonight, ever since they’d talked about it.

  He’d never thought Jillian would go for it. When they’d reached the point where he was willing to try anything to tear down the wall that had sat so stubbornly between them for the last year, he was surprised to hear her agree. He was glad she had, because he needed this chance to fix their marriage, to make it right. They’d tried couples counseling early on, but it had been a disaster. The therapist had spent every session blaming him for Jillian’s pain. The woman had acted as though he was some insensitive bastard. He’d ended up walking out. Jillian had wanted to try going to someone else, but he’d had enough. Jillian had continued to see another therapist. It had helped some, but there was a level she’d never been able to break through. It wasn’t her fault; he knew she’d tried. So it was up to him now. This had to work.

  And now, watching her breath catch and her nipples swell, he was pretty sure she was as into it as he was. He was hard already, just from touching her, from tying her up. From thinking about what he was going to do to her.

  Her full, rounded breasts rose and fell with her ragged breathing. Her nipples were tight and rosy pink. His groin tightened just looking at her. She was so damn beautiful, spread out on the bed for him, her little pink tongue darting out to moisten her lips.

  He could feel her nerves, still, could feel his own heart thunder in his chest. But it was pure lust hammering away at his composure. He took a lungful of air and commanded himself to rein it in, to stay in control. That was his job here. And he needed to be in control now as much as Jillian needed him to be.

  He reached out and stroked her smooth skin with his fingertips, ran them over her rib cage, around the edge of her breast, down her side. She shivered, and he felt the urgency of her need as a physical sensation. Suddenly, he couldn’t resist. He dipped his hand down into the velvet folds between her thighs and stroked at the edges of her wet cleft. God, she was soaked! His cock filled and jerked against his slacks. He pulled his hand back.

  Slow down.

  A quick glance at her face and he saw her eyes screwed tightly shut. He smiled to himself at the sense of raw power that suffused him, as it began to dawn on him just how much power he had over this woman he loved. She was his now in a way she’d never been before. He wanted to take her right here, right now. His cock was throbbing, begging for release. But that’s not what he was here for.

  Instead, he took another deep, steadying breath, and concentrated on Jillian.

  He ran a hand over the length of her body, tracing the line of her hip, her thigh, her leg, and back down to her sensitive foot. Her skin was as warm and soft as living silk. He’d never thought of himself as having a foot fetish, but the way she had responded earlier made him rethink the whole idea. As he stroked her toes she trembled and curled them. But there were even more interesting things to do, and her entire body to explore.

  Jillian had had a hard time coming in the last year. She didn’t seem to feel comfortable enough in her own body anymore, couldn’t shut her thoughts down. He intended to change that tonight. He would make her come. Over and over again. He would make her beg. Make her scream. And when he finally took her, when his cock was buried deep inside her body, she would belong to him completely.

  His rock-hard cock gave another jerk, but he focused on the sight of his wife spread out on the bed, open and vulnerable. He would fuck her, and fuck her hard, but that would have to wait. For now, she was his to feast on, to please. For now, it was all about Jillian.

  Jillian opened her eyes, peering up at Cam. Why was he just standing there, when she needed so badly for him to touch her? God, when he’d shoved his fingers into her she’d almost screamed. And now she was pulsing and so drenching wet it was trickling down onto the silk and linen bedspread beneath her.

  Please, touch me again.

  But she couldn’t say the words out loud. She watched him as his eyes swept over her body, her nipples stiffening even more as though it were his hands on her, rather than his intense gray gaze.

  Finally, he bent over her and placed a series of quick, hot kisses over her stomach, then moved to her breasts. His mouth was everywhere and all thought left her head as he kissed and nibbled his way over her skin. When he reached her breasts she arched up to meet him. And when he took one nipple into his hot mouth, she went rigid all over, pleasure sweeping through her in a powerful tide. Her mind stopped entirely when he began to suck.

  He drew her nipple into his mouth, pulling on it until it almost hurt. She didn’t care. It felt too good. With his free hand, he caressed her other breast. Her nipples felt like they were going to explode, her sex was thrumming with heat, and it was almost as though his mouth were there between her legs.

  Yes. Use your mouth there.

  But it was too good, his tongue swirling over her hard nipple as he sucked with his mouth, while his other hand tugged and twisted and began to pinch.

  Jesus.

  She’d never felt anything so good. Her arms wanted to twine around his neck, to pull him closer, but the rope held her tight, heightening the desire burning through her body.

  Cam pulled away and she let out a groan.

  “Easy, honey. We’ve got all night. And I intend to make good use of it.”

  “Wh-what are you going to do?”

  “Do you really want to know?” His sexy mouth pulled into a wicked grin she’d never seen on him before, and it made her tremble with anticipation.

  “Tell me.”

  “I’m going to touch you everywhere. With my hands. With my mouth. I’m going to stroke you gently, I’m going to pinch you in all the right places. I’m going to lick every inch of your gorgeous skin. I’m going to play with you in a way I never have before, with my hands and mouth, and maybe a few other things.”

  He paused and Jillian’s sex clenched and tingled. She wished she could press her thighs together to ease the ache there, but she was spread wide open. All she could think of was Cam putting his mouth there as he had said he would. His hot, damp tongue stroking her, his fingers pushing inside her. Oh, God.

  He continued, his voice low and smoky. “I’m going to make you come, Jillian. I’m going to make you come so hard, with pleasure and maybe a little pain. What do you think of that?”

  Think? She could hardly think. All she could do was feel. But Cam was demanding an answer from her.

  “I’m waiting, Jillian.”

  “I…” Her voice was nothing more than a raw whisper. “I want that. Yes. Please,
Cam.”

  “Good girl.”

  The term made her go warm and soft all over. She didn’t know why.

  He began to stroke her breasts again, tracing the full outline, avoiding her nipples. She shivered.

  “And after you’ve come for me, I’m going to fuck you, Jillian. I’m going to bury my cock inside you and fuck you forever. Tell me you want that.”

  “I…”

  He took one nipple between his fingers and pinched, hard. She rose up off the bed, the pain shooting through her and somehow transforming into a deep pleasure that lanced straight to her core.

  “I want…I want you to fuck me, Cam.” Yes, she could hardly think of anything else but his enormous, beautiful cock, golden-skinned as the rest of him was.

  “That’s my good girl.”

  Again that warm wash of pleasure at his words.

  And then he was on her, with his mouth, with his hands, roaming over her body. He licked her skin, and stopped to kiss and suck here and there. Everywhere he touched her it was like a tiny electric shock, sending bolts of pleasure coursing through her system.

  “Does this feel good, baby?”

  “Yes…” It came out on a soft hiss.

  “How about this?” His fingers squeezed her nipples, then were replaced with his mouth. His hands moved over her hips, gripped her thighs for a moment, then his fingers plunged into her dark, waiting heat.

  She moaned aloud, the walls of her sex grabbing around his fingers as he moved them inside her. It was almost too much, all this sensation. And when he pressed his thumb over her clit, she thought she’d scream with pleasure.

  “Oh, God, oh, God,” she murmured, already on the edge of orgasm.